Articles Comments

ePublish a Book » Humor » Humor for Writers – Writers’ Priorities

Humor for Writers – Writers’ Priorities

Humor for Writers – Writers’ Priorities

By Patricia de Hemricourt

John Storywriter, a now famous thriller writer, is happily sitting at his regular coffee with his usual friends Aurora, a mildly successful romance writer, Vladimir, an upcoming horror writer and Mark, the wannabe writer of the day, as they like to gloat in front of less successful fellow writers.

While sipping coffee, they are heatedly debating crucial issues such as whether to place the comma inside or outside quotes marks.

Screeching brakes  interrupt their passionate debate. A speeding car skids to a halt just too late to miss a biker.

The biker is stuck under the car, his leg trapped by the mangled frame of his bike.

Though they are now quiet and gaze in horror at the bleeding biker, their writing mind is speeding faster than the car was, though with less damaging effects.

“If he was a woman, that is how she would meet Mr. Right…” thinks Aurora.

“How could I render the sound of that accident with words to make my readers gnash their teeth?” thinks Vladimir.

“Great scene, I can use it. Who shall I put on the bike, the killer or the sleuth?” thinks John.

“Call 911!” shouts Mark , thus proving he will always remain a wannabe writer…

Copyright of Patricia de Hemricourt – ©PatriciadeHemricourt 2011 All rights reserved

Filed under: Humor · Tags: , , ,

43 Responses to "Humor for Writers – Writers’ Priorities"

  1. L Hall says:

    Wonderful! Thanks for this morning smile!

  2. LR Hall says:

    Very cute! Thanks for a morning smile!

  3. Ha ha, hilarious! I thought one of them would wonder whether this accident was an illustration of where the comma should go: the legs of the biker were under the car, or sticking out? I guess none of your writers were grammarians…

  4. Where’s the literary writer?

    Oh, wait, they wouldn’t be caught dead with the genre writers… 😉

  5. Another hauntingly accurate assessment!

    As a writer of non-fiction my mind leapt to statistical sources and possible medical treatments that may be needed.

    We’re a calloused bunch aren’t we?

  6. Sandra Bogart says:

    Shouldn’t it be Writers’ Priorities?

    1. Patricia says:

      Thanks, correct and corrected:-)

  7. My character, Shahkara, has enhanced strength and healing powers. She would have released the biker from his fix, healed any injuries and then probed him for insight as to whether leather or chainmail would have been a more effective garb, given his situation 🙂

  8. John Chapman says:

    Damn! Before I got to the end of the story I was thinking “If he was using the nanonytes in my techno-thriller that driver would now be puzzling over his smashed in car and wondering if he’d just hit superman.” As to the wannabe – 911 doesn’t work in the UK. He needs to call 999.

  9. Joanne says:

    I once got off jury duty this way! I told the judge I was researching a mystery novel that involved a drug dealer (true) and I would love to be able to listen in on this drug dealer’s case to get some specific real-life details. I was off that jury before you can say voir dire!

  10. Thanks for the giggle. I needed that today!

  11. rcmckee says:

    And then there’s the newspaper photographer who was out of his chair and over the rail at the first screech of brakes and is now running around frantically, getting in the way, camera in one hand and pen and notebook in the other, trying to get the biker’s name and contact information so he can use the shot….

    1. Patricia says:

      Unfortunately, the lawyer who was sitting at another table, thinking he’s a competitor, knocks him out with a well placed uppercut and secures the phone number.

      1. rcmckee says:

        Damn lawyers…. always screwing things up, and they don’t usually know from poodlepoop about using cameras.

  12. Jeff Lee says:

    LOL!

    Good thing the guys sitting around the table weren’t all comedy writers.

    Or, worse yet, attorneys.

  13. AKWdynamite says:

    That was funny. I had to link it to twitter. Lol

  14. I wonder if that heading is written just for our benefit — one of those ‘aha!’ moments — for I could not help but laugh at the apostrophe in the heading. Because that, as much as the story itself, made me ponder the possibilities: is it intended to be singular or plural? If it’s intended to be singular (which presumably it is), then I’d recommend amending it to “A Writer’s Priorities” which leaves no ambiguity (because one would not write, for example “Woman’s Priorities” or “Welder’s Priorities” but rather include a definite article for clarity). But the story leads me to believe that the title is about all four writers in the scene — hence, “Writers’ Priorities” would be more appropriate. The title refers to either “each writer’s priorities” in the scenario or “all four writers’ priorities” in the scenerio. The problem for me, the reader, is that there is too much ambiguity in the title, and that caused some degree of distraction. Now, what was I doing… ahem. Thanks for the post! 🙂

  15. Paul D. Dail says:

    I like it. Funny stuff. Although for this horror writer, I’d probably wonder if the guy on the bike would die. And then come back to life. And drag himself from the wreckage and kill the driver.

    ‘Course, that’s just me. Again, so pleased to have found your site.

  16. Raymond says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

  17. What an indictment!

    I confess that my daughter’s recent romantic entanglements have been a very rich vein of inspiration – heavily disguised of course! and there was me thinking I wouldn’t be like those writers in the cafe!

  18. I thought it was going to say “Call 9-1-1!” what they’re screaming is realistic dialogue, but I don’t think it’s very original said the screen writer.

  19. Dorte H says:

    LOL

    Don´t know where it puts me, but I´d definitely call 911 – and think about how I could use the scene afterwards 😀

  20. lol, hilarious joke! As a fantasy writer, I thought, “How could this accident activate his latent magical abilities.”

  21. Thanks, Patricia! Great welcome.

  22. Shel Funk says:

    You probably didn’t know that in the “writers priorities” you discussed above, the biker, Desmond, was just stopping at the cafe to visit with his wife, Eloise, who just happened to be the server that waited on our four writers. The cafe, by the way, became the favorite meeting place for the four of them. The attraction for each of them was universal as Eloise, their server that first time, in her rush and through her tears for Desmond, neglected to provide them their “bill of fare”. Each of them, except the wannabe , went on to use the incident in a short story that sold and made them each $250.00. Each thought the cafe to be sort of a “lucky little coffee nook.

    But, alas, they never saw Eloise again. It seems she was fired for leaving her post.

    1. Patricia says:

      So, not only did the writers get a free coffee, they also got a generous tip ?!? 🙂

  23. Thanks for that. As a writer I do want to know where should the comma go. My mind also works in weird and mysterious ways while watching the news or reading it. I’m sure Steinbeck and Hemingway would also attest to incorporating their chance happenings into story. Does it make us bad? Maybe entertaining I would hope.

  24. Mike Watson says:

    Guilty. Maybe not in the moment, but later when I think about it, I think of how it would make a good story. Is this wrong?:)

  25. Tommy Pryor says:

    all true, great snapshot.

  26. Mary George says:

    I needed that more than you know. I found a lump in my breast this morning and just got off the phone making an appointment for this afternoon. The even sadder part was I thought of an urban fantasy/ dystopia story from the call and I don’t fully understand dystopia. Guess I’ll take my pad and paper to keep my find occupied.

    Thanks again for the laugh.

    Mary George

  27. A life lesson in so few words. Thanks for sharing!

  28. I love this! May I repost it on facebook with a link?
    Thanks for the giggle. 🙂

    1. Patricia says:

      Please do, and thanks for the compliment 🙂

  29. Elisa says:

    OH my gosh! I love this. The other day I met a woman and she started telling me all her problems, how sixty years ago her husband went to war and never came back. She cried. I really felt for her–honestly–and then I started an outline LOL! I’m terrible!
    -Elisa
    ecwrites.com

    1. Laura says:

      You’re cracking me up! I LOVE it when people start telling me long stories for exactly that reason! People are endlessly fascinating.

  30. Werbeartikel says:

    Where is the facebook like button ?

  31. Gunnar says:

    It is difficult to get practiced persons on this subject topic, you seem like you no doubt know exactly what you are referring to! Thanks a lot

  32. Elouise says:

    Thanks for the insight. It brings light into the dark!

  33. Candie says:

    I wanted to spend a minute to thank you for this.

  34. Nibby says:

    Well macadamia nuts, how about that.

Share your thoughts with us!

%d bloggers like this:
Visit Us On TwitterVisit Us On FacebookVisit Us On Google PlusCheck Our FeedVisit Us On Pinterest